Are you in L.O.V.E with Feedback?

"Feedback is simply information". I heard this quote from a TedEx talk by Shanita Williams and her teaching has had such a profound affect on how I think about and process feedback, I use her talk in my leadership workshops today. You can watch it here.

We are giving and receiving feedback constantly, in our personal and professional lives. Most recently for me my feedback experience was during a series of unsuccessful job applications and interviews. Feedback can and will be delivered and received in different contexts so this is a relevant read, regardless of the context.

I've outlined the 4 steps I use when receiving feedback after an unsuccessful interview. The intent is to continue to sell yourself to the recruiter or the organisation right until the very end of the process.

I speak from experience by the way. I'm an experienced L&D professional - soliciting, receiving and giving feedback is in my DNA. It's an essential tool for my own and others' personal and professional development. However, as an unexpected job seeker last year, in market conditions we've not really seen before, it took all of my growth mindset to turn the experiences into a positive one that will hopefully help you too.

So, here goes. My 4 steps to falling in L.O.V.E with feedback. Let me know what you think and if you would add anything else.

Step 1 is Listen to understand and not to reply, defend or justify.

By listening to understand you will be able to ask better clarifying questions which demonstrate your commitment to self-improvement. If you want to challenge feedback (which I did recently) it's better to wait. Buy yourself some time so you don't appear defensive or disrespectful. Truly listening also demonstrates your willingness to learn and develop your self-awareness.

Step 2 is Observe your thoughts and feelings. Feedback calls are often to the point. I jot down observed reactions to what's being said so I can pick up later for further reflection. By writing it down it prevents me from getting caught up in the thought or feeling so that I can listen without emotion.

Step 3 is Vocalise. Here is where I ask questions to clarify if needed. I might playback what I have heard or understood from the feedback to demonstrate my listening skills and also my intention to learn from the experience. I will also, if appropriate, challenge at this point. I use this with caution though and it's a skill I've developed more recently, as a result of developing my executive stakeholder management skills. I will also vocalise my disappointment, always explaining why, if the role is one that I was particularly keen on as I believe in vulnerability being a strength and I want them to know, in case another opportunity arises.

The vocalise step really helps me to internalise the feedback that I want to take away from the experience and demonstrates a positive impression to the messenger of the feedback - which in a competitive market place such as this - is a great way to be remembered as a candidate. If you've watched Shanita's video this is where I "strain"!

Step 4 is to Express gratitude. This step, for me is about creating a positive impression with the person giving the feedback and ending the call for myself with a positive mindset. I thank them (and the interviewer) for taking the time to feedback and I wish the successful candidate(s) all the best with the next stage/job. It's not always easy, especially if I was really interested in the role however gratitude is well documented as a way holding a positive mindset and this step has helped me bounce back quicker from the disappointment.

I hope you found this useful and would love to hear from you if any of these steps help you fall in love with feedback!